


Belle and the Mystery Box

by beastlycheese



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Rumbelle Secret Santa (Once Upon a Time), Rumbelle Secret Santa 2019 (Once Upon a Time)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:07:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 6,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21887908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beastlycheese/pseuds/beastlycheese
Summary: A Rumbelle Secret Santa gift for the marvellous Maplesyrup who prompted "This box is empty".Belle arrives in the mysterious little town of Storybroooke and is determined to unlock the secrets hidden there.
Relationships: Belle/Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold
Comments: 152
Kudos: 15





	1. December 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Maplesyrup](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maplesyrup/gifts).



> There are lots of Easter eggs/ Christmas stockings hiden here in honour of the amazing writers in the Rumbelle community, because everything we write it canon.

**Sunday, December 1**

Poor diary – you have been so neglected. It is eight whole days since I last made an entry. Shame on me! Moving up to Storybrooke and opening the library has been exhausting. I’ve just been collapsing into bed at the end of each day and I have not written a thing. You were of course among the first things I unpacked. But I have just no energy left to sit and record the day, and I have so much to tell. Oh and how I do miss the physical act of writing, holding a beautiful pen and the words flowing from my fingertips. Everyone is just tapping away at their devices and they all seem to have lost the ability to write. I have been getting people to fill out forms to register for the library and they all look at me blankly and ask me to input it straight into the system but with a queue it has been impossible. The school children have so much better writing skills than the adults here. Regina is keen for “my citizens” to have computer literacy classes but I’m beginning to think we need to go back to total basics. Look at me though, rambling on, so excited and not even a paragraph break. Can’t change it now that it has been irredeemably inked.

Yay, a new paragraph and time to catch up on the news. So…

I have moved from Boston, partly because a job of head librarian came up and partly to be with my family. It’s a little fishing and mining town in Maine called Storybrooke, some may call it quaint, other’s backward. This is where Dad ran to when Mum died, says it reminds him of home, a little port where he can keep a boat and fish on the weekends. He has taken on a florists and gift shop just like Mum always wanted them to do. He looks odd there, big burly bloke between the blooms. Lace says he is drinking again and he has a troop of little friends, all miners, who he goes drinking, fishing and card playing with. Though I hope not all at the same time.

Lacey and baby Gideon are settled in a very nice flat, well stunning for Storybrooke. We still have no idea who the father is but she seems to be financially stable and is even studying and working part time. The father is paying for the flat and child care, because he cannot be with her to help, he is also supporting her with continuing her studies. I think he must have brown eyes, like Gids. I’ve been assessing all the likely candidates in town but she insists I will never meet him, that they are light years apart from each other and it’s not to be. I do love a mystery, I will get it out of her. I’ve never seen her so dreamy, being a Mum and in love has changed her. 

She can still drink everyone under the table. She took me out with her friends on Friday. My first evening off for a while, she was in full on Lacey mode. Short tight blue sparkly dress on, AMAZING cleavage (that’s baby hormones for you – side note reasons to have a baby no.1), downing shots, teasing the men and thrashing them at pool, singing and dancing, she was the light in the room. I always feel so plain and nerdy sitting next to my twin. She of course has bleached her hair back to blonde after the birth. No breastfeeding for Lacey, she says 9 months off from alcohol was enough of a sacrifice.

Yikes, it’s getting late and I haven’t even begun to write about the weird collection of characters I have met or my mystery box! Oh and of course I have a crush - on the most annoying asshole in town!


	2. December 2

**Monday, December 2**

Another crazy day in weirdness town. Met Lacey and Gid for breakfast at the _blast from the past_ diner opposite the library. It’s run by Lacey’s partner in crime, Ruby, and her grandmother, that everyone, and I mean _absolutely_ everyone, calls Granny, she is pretty fierce and keeps threatening the male customers with a cross bow! Help! Where have I come to? So I was having pancakes and we were discussing ultimate toppings - Lacey decadently went for melted chocolate and strawberries, I went for maple syrup. One of the weird things about this town is that no conversation is private, before I knew it the whole diner had chimed in, so:

August likes jam

Jefferson lemon and sugar

Dr Hopper likes them plain

Ruby suggested tequila, lemon and salt

Mary Margaret and David, like _the same_ , I didn’t hear what, (something sweet and sickly Lacey guessed and mimed puking)

Blueberries were popular and Leroy, the little grumpy guy, wanted sausages, eggs and beans on his, Lacey says it’s his failsafe hangover cure.

All good, if a bit strange, like attending a huge family gathering. Then this big beefcake of a guy called Gaz, came to our table and started talking about how he wished he could drizzle honey over our _pancakes_ and that he could eat both of us all up ‘cus we were so sweet! Ewwwwwww. Lacey was about to blow her top, but she was carrying Gideon, when Gold (I will write about him later) suddenly appeared smashed his cane down on Gaz’s foot and snarled “If the lady says maple syrup is the best, maple syrup is the best, leave!” So Gaz looks round and everyone looks away, suddenly deaf to all comments and there is Granny waving that cross bow at him. He hobbled off as quick as he could, Gold bowed at us, yes BOWED, and followed him out. Think I’m off pancakes.

So Gold, the enigmatic Mr Gold, asshole and sexy bastard all wrapped up in a well cut suit. He was on my interview panel with Regina, they are the mainstays of the town council, and they fight like cat and dog, snarling and hissing at each other. He has such a sexy Scottish voice and shows his crooked teeth when riled, which seems to be constantly, and that makes me weak at the knees. (WHY BELLE WHY?) I mean he is not conventionally attractive, much older than me, longish hair, impeccably dressed, but for some reason I’m drooling even just thinking about him. Typical, I’m always attracted to the biggest arseholes around. He swings from chivalrous gentleman to beast and punctuates every conversation with sarcastic asides. He is my fatal character flaw. He also seems to be everyone’s landlord and knocks weekly on your door with this huge hulk of a guy for the rent, in cash. He has to be a gangster! He is weirdly old fashioned, bowing and opening doors for you, rising when you enter. Lacey says he is at least 300 years old and drinks the blood of young virgins. He also carries this ancient flip phone around with him. I mentioned it jokingly to the girls and Emma, that’s the cop, she thinks it is actually sinister not funny. You can’t hack into or clone a flip phone, she said. So that dear diary is my crush the gangster, the mystery man with no forename.


	3. December 3

**Tuesday December 3**

Woke up all flustered after a sex dream about Gold. Cannot tell Lacey or the girls they have warned me to keep away from him. So, in this dream he wasn’t a gangster but some spaceman on a ship, he was all sparkly and wanted to perform experiments on me with strange electrodes that turned into his penis and steamy sex. He still had the cane and put that to some interesting uses as well. Curse me and my imagination, must stop reading science fiction before bed.

Huge discovery in my mystery solving today. I have 4 main mysteries in my life at this moment.

  1. Who is Gideon’s father and why is Lacey not telling me???
  2. What is in the mystery box in the basement?
  3. What is Gold’s first name and why won’t he tell anyone?
  4. What is Leroy researching on the internet?



OK Gideon’s father – I have this strange feeling it could be Gold’s, definitely has his eyes and he is rich enough to fund Lacey’s lifestyle. Plus he is always doting after Gideon. Though he is weird with Lacey, he insists on calling her Miss French senior and me Miss French junior (for goodness sake it was 5 minutes). There is little affection for him in Lacey’s eyes and she has confessed she adores Gid’s dad.

The mystery box in the basement. All the books had been stored in crates in the basement while the library was being refurbished. My main job in the first week was re-shelving them all and cataloguing them onto the system (STILL NOT FINISHED AAAAGH). Most of the boxes were these plastic crates and a few cardboard ones. In the middle surrounded by the crates was a wooden box, like a pirate’s treasure chest. It is unopenable. Two huge padlocks locking it tight. I cannot find the keys to open them and there are zillions of random keys in every drawer of this building. On the top of the box is a carving in curly gothic script. It says: _Property of Rumpelstilskin, curses to any fool who looks inside._ I neeeeeeed to know what’s inside. I think I will get Leroy to take a look at it. He seems to be the go to man for tools around here. Granny tells me he also has a fine axe collection! Though she is apparently more proficient at axe throwing. THIS TOWN! That started a huge row in the diner about who was the deadliest shot of all. David Nolan and Gold have splendid swords. I thought this was a euphemism but Lacey just shook her head. It turned out that everyone agreed it was timid little Mary Margaret, the school teacher with a bow and arrow. I’m sure this town are getting ready to fight zombies, ogres or dragons.

Golld’s name – found it!!! He was not registered with the library and reluctantly filled in a form when I pestered and missed out the forename. Nothing on his business card, not on google, the council minutes, rental agreements. No one in Granny’s knew and they know everything. I was giving up when I found copies of the property deeds and town planning notices in one of the crates. HEATHCLIFF. If he isn’t mean to be mine then who is? Praying his belligerent but sexy ass doesn’t belong to my sister.

Leroy and the internet. He is my most frequent visitor demanding the most attention, desperate to understand the interweb as he calls it, typing away laboriously with one finger but always switching the screen off if I come near. I’m hoping it is not porn. I need to discuss our internet policy with Regina and Gold. Embarrassing!!! Perhaps I could have **that** conversation with Gold alone? Oh Belle, down girl, down.


	4. December 4

**Wednesday December 4**

I am exhausted! **AND** an ‘embarrassing slut’ according to the town’s Mother Superior, because of course this town has an epidemic of nuns who all dress in blue and seem to be everywhere, spying. It was the official re-opening of the library today. Yes I know I’ve been open a week, but apparently unofficially, because Regina had to cut a ribbon, and have a band and champagne and nibbles. Granny’s was closed and in attendance serving various things on cocktail sticks and muttering about vol au vents. So the library was packed with the usual faces who were all busy crushing crisps into the carpet and getting greasy fingerprints on the books. I’d skipped lunch to set everything up and mayyyyyyy have had a few too many glasses. Gold was in fine form ribbing the mayor and parodying her speech. I may have got the giggles and been hanging on to him to balance on my heels. Mother Far too Superior beckoned me into Personal Welfare, pointed out sex education books “of ill repute” and told me I was an embarrassing slut perving over Gold and just as bad as my sister and her bastard child. I was too shocked to respond at the time but she left shortly afterwards after ‘falling over’ Gold’s cane and spraining her ankle. She still managed to announce that the library was a den of sin. Leroy cheered and drank to that.


	5. December 5

**Thursday December 5**

Gold was in Lacey’s flat holding Gideon. I’d just popped round at lunch with some supplies and there he was on the couch almost nude for him - jacket off, shoes off, socks with skulls on, holding Gideon as happy as could be. He wears gold sleeve garters, who does that? Now I have a new kink to add to - crooked snarly teeth, leather gloves, canes and waistcoats. Apparently Lacey was off on an unexpected trip and HE was first choice of emergency babysitter. I stayed and had tea with him but he wouldn’t let on what Lacey was up to and kept pointing out the library opening times and calling me dearie and junior. Lacey is not answering her calls. Mysteries, they drive me mad, but I live for them.

I am a bad librarian. I failed to bring up internet porn with Gold and so have decided on another tack, checking on what Leroy is hiding. If it isn’t porn I don’t need to convene the library board. I know I’m now officially bad curious mischievous Belle. So after he left looking very thoughtful, I checked his history. A google search (he has mastered that at least). “How to kiss with tongues”. Bless his little cotton socks. Now another mystery who does grumpy guy want to snog?

Felt really bad because he came back later with his lock picking tools to try and get into the box for me. No luck. He says it is cursed close with magic and I should leave well alone. I googled lock picking later and think he needs a different tool, but anyway I can now break into houses. Tempted to break into Gold’s and see if I can find evidence to see if he is the father. I confronted Lacey about my suspicions and she laughed at me saying, she would never date a guy constantly in a suit. So was it a one night stand? Or am I barking up the wrong tree? Detective Belle is still on that case.


	6. December 7

**Saturday December 7**

Why no entry for Friday you ask? You don’t remember do you? Drunk. It was girl’s night out at the Rabbit Hole. I should never get into rounds with Lacey and her friends. I told them about my crush on Gold, they were not impressed, Lacey didn’t lose it. So if he is the Dad she certainly does not have feelings for him anymore. Mary Margaret thinks he is gay because he hangs round with Jefferson who wears hats and purple waistcoats. I couldn’t follow the logic and Jefferson is always eyeing Emma up, now she IS gay, sorry I must get it right - bisexual, and she is having a secret affair with Regina. Secret no longer! Girl’s night is a bad, bad night for keeping secrets. How Lacey holds on to hers I’m not sure. All we could get out of her was that he was in a space ship! Yes and I’m a Disney Princess. Head hurts, still can’t focus on the page. Bye diary you are the only one who truly listens to me.


	7. December 8

**Sunday December 8**

Had lunch with Dad who was upbeat and doting on Gideon. He tried to see if I knew who the father was, and that he was going to kill him for abandoning her. He was trying to set me up with that oaf Gaston, whom he described as a knight in shining armour. Ugh! I didn’t tell him about the pancake incident. Need to get a fake boyfriend to shut him up. Gold would be perfect! He spent most of lunch moaning about rents and Gold’s exorbitant rates. Lacey said it costs about the same as his night at the Hole costs. Things got strained then and we decided Gideon needed fresh air. Saw Gold strolling too. He was in a suit as usual, and it wasn’t for church because I’ve heard what he says about those nuns. I wonder if he sleeps in a suit? No fine silk pyjamas and matching cravat. Nooo thinking about Gold in the bedroom again.

Almost forgot. Leroy drinks with Dad apparently he does lots of maintenance jobs around and about, so maybe the object of his affections is a customer.


	8. December 9

**Monday December 9**

The box is empty! I don’t believe it. All that suspense and there is nothing there. Leroy brought round a hack saw we spent a good half an hour cutting away and there is absolutely nothing in it. Leroy said he could hear knocking and said we must have let a ghost out. I think it was just Lacey upstairs walking in her heels. I got her down and showed her the empty box. Now she is busy sending me memes and gifs of empty boxes, weird things in boxes, boxes, boxes, boxes. Had to turn notifications off. Oh yes and she is now calling me box girl. Why isn’t she intrigued that an empty box has warnings on it and padlocks to keep people out?

Leroy’s search today – How to ask a girl out. Squeee


	9. December 10

**Tuesday December 10**

Regina is driving me potty. Mother Superior has started a campaign to remove all the ‘lewd’ books from the library. The list includes all the personal welfare books, most science fiction, a lot of science text books (Darwin seems to be high on her hit list), any publication by indigenous authors or people of colour, lesbian, gay, trans literature, Harry Potter, “Of Mice and Men”, “To Kill a Mockingbird”, Maya Angelou, Alice Walker!!!!!!!! Yes that does deserve lots of exclamation marks, even if Lace says it’s girly writing.

I’m furious:

  1. That Regina hasn’t told her to eff off
  2. That Regina requires me to write a paragraph stating my case to stock said items
  3. That Mother Superior could hold these views and still be seen as a Christian
  4. That racist, sexist, homophobic shits exist
  5. That I’m ranting and saying “that” all the time
  6. Grrrrrrrrrrr



Leroy’s search – axe throwing tips

Oh my! Does this mean his love turned him down? Is he going to challenge Granny to an axe contest?

Caught Gold lurking in History and Pre-History. After I spotted him the third time I approached him, he looked very shifty and rambled on about Romans then rushed off. I hope he hasn’t joined the censorship brigade. I guess mythology will be on their list shortly.

Had a beautiful box from the cake shop delivered, wrapped in a ribbon. Saved it until tea break, was salivating at the idea. It was of course empty! Why did I fall for that? I’m starting to think Lacey is trying to distract me from quizzing her about Gid’s dad. But surely she wouldn’t have gone to the effort of buying a crate and carving it. She does know about my love for fairy tales, especially the original non-Disneyfied gruesome versions. She is now suspect No. 1.


	10. December 11

**Wednesday December 11**

I’m working my way through Regina’s list. My poor keyboard is taking a hammering, it makes me so angry and frustrated. I feel like I’m stating the obvious then I get sarcastic and have to delete everything. Someone had the audacity to shhhh me! Hope I wasn’t saying out loud the expletives I’m screaming in my head.

Leroy’s google – Crossbows for beginners. So it must be a duel with Granny then. At dawn in the High Street maybe. This town does remind me of the Wild West. 

Gold fact of the day – he likes reading westerns! A lot of them, in and out every day. He’s Scottish and intelligent, so why does he have a weakness for paperback westerns? Why do we have so many trashy novels in stock? Are they seen as decent because ‘Red Indians’ get shot?

Had another box delivered today. Could not be bothered to open it. Threw it straight in the trash.


	11. December 12

**Thursday December 12**

Another box binned. When will she get bored of this game? Still working my way through the list. Had Mary Margaret’s little class of terrors in. She says some kids had stayed behind because of the library **boycott.** The blasted blue nuns are trying to lead a boycott!

Leroy’s search – axe sharpening


	12. December 13

**Friday December 13**

Druuuuuunnkkk again, can’t see straight to write


	13. December 14

**Saturday December 14**

Why oh why does Girl’s night have to be on a Friday? Getting up for Saturday opening is a nightmare. 

Lacey denies she is sending boxes, apart from the cake one. She also confessed that she did buy cakes to get the box but ate them all herself. What happened to twin solidarity? She let slip that Gid’s dad has a beard. She was bragging about his skills in the bedroom. Apparently he can eat her out for hours. He writes equations with his tongue! Didn’t understand that bit , who does that? Regina apparently ! Although Emma says Regina writes memos with hers. Girl’s night needs to be renamed TOO MUCH INFORMATION, and be on a Saturday. PLUS where do I find a partner with great tongue skills?! No one has ever gone down on me! Perhaps I should advertise, Craigslist? A little postcard in the library window? End the message – apply vigorously within.

No luck with getting Gold’s attention he just gapes at me whenever I try to talk to him. Lacey is the only one he has a civil conversation with anymore. He snarls at everyone else. The way he is with Gid and Lace makes me think he is the dad. Evidence against - no lust in Lacey’s eyes and have questioned Leroy, Gold has never had a beard.

Leroy’s search – How to pleasure a woman with your tongue. 

Oops, we were very loud on Friday night. Glad I didn’t make it to breakfast at Granny’s because I can guess what the communal discussion was about this morning.


	14. December 15

**Sunday December 15**

Have fallen out with Dad big time! We were round at his for the traditional French Sunday lunch. Why it is always at his I do not know, his kitchen is a nightmare and he never washes up. Maybe it is his way of getting to clean his week’s dishes.

So he has this “gossip” he is keen to tell us, there is a ‘black man’ in uniform staying at Granny’s. Apparently this to him is scandalous. I was so confused why this was news and then he just launched into a rant about why he had come to Storybrooke to avoid ‘them’, like he had also left Australia to escape the ‘Abos’. Lacey had already stormed out I tried to reason with him but it’s like talking to a wall of hate.

I went for an angry walk round the docks, where I spied the serviceman talking animatedly to Gold. Another mystery!

Could not get in contact with Lacey.

Perhaps I need to get axe throwing lessons from Leroy?

No box today.


	15. December 16

**Monday December 16**

Had a memo from Regina, took me a while to regain my composure to read it. Leroy wondered why I was giggling so much and when I told him I had a memo from Regina he was not puzzled but went bright red and scuttled off. So he did overhear our conversation at the Hole.

So the memo tells me she has delivered my response to the nunnery. I was hoping she had shoved it up the Blue ones arse but no such luck. Mother Shitbag is now attacking the library on account of public funding. She wants the same amount to fund the sisters. Apparently they are a charity too and if the library can’t fund itself why should she. Grrrrr. What public service do the nuns provide? They don’t even do weddings, christenings, funerals or services, poor Archie volunteers for those duties and he has a full time job as a shrink! I’m not buying this praying excuse, what sort of God requires sycophants to waste their time praising him when they could be doing good deeds. Rant rant rant grrrr

Bottom line I’ve got to make money out of renting out the library space for events. When do I have time to do that? Who would hire out the library anyway? No one has events in this miserable town. I want to go back to Boston! Spoke to Elliot to see what’s going on then He said my ex Lance was going out with Arthur! We always thought it was Gwen that he was interested in. Elliot needs to investigate further, he thinks they may be in a love triangle or a threesome. Maybe that’s why Lance would never go down on me?

Leroy’s search – how to stop blushing


	16. December 17

**Tuesday December 17**

Ruby stopped by with gossip and to grill me. The serviceman staying at the Inn was seen with Gold, and Lacey, and Gideon. The serviceman was holding the baby, then there was a row and Gold went off with the baby. Later Lacey was seen kissing the serviceman in an alley!!!! WTF!!! Is Lacey getting Gold to babysit while she takes a lover! No beard though and the serviceman has the wrong skin colour to be Gid’s dad. Mystery upon mystery. 

Could not get through to Lacey on her phone, no sign at her flat, Gold denies everything, just says “no, no, no”. Where is Lacey? Where is Gideon? Ended up leaving so many messages on Lacey’s machine, excuses to be wanting to talk to her, told her all about my troubles with the nuns.

Ruby’s other bit of gossip – Gold is evicting the nuns, apparently he owns the land the nuns built on and they are refusing to pay up, he has backdated their land rent for 16 years! No wonder they need help from Regina. What a hard ass Gold is, apparently they have until Christmas Eve to pay up or leave. Somehow I don’t feel too sorry for them

Leroy’s search – how to stop being a nun

Intriguing. Another mystery!


	17. December 18

**Wednesday December 18**

A big box was delivered today, 12 red roses inside!!!! What was in my other boxes? It had a gift tag – love from Rumpelstiltskin X. 

A kiss from a secret admirer! A romantic mysterious admirer. Sad it’s not from Heathcliff. If this is Lacey I WILL KILL her. 

Jefferson was lurking in Fashion today, Is it him? He has a daughter. Am I ready to be a Mum without the advantage of growing huge breasts? Praying it is not Leroy, if we have kids they would be so short we would need a magnifying glass to find them. 

Leroy’s search – how to elope

Should I step in and blow my cover as a sneaky librarian?


	18. December 19

**Thursday December 19**

Lacey has reappeared safely with Gid. I tried to question her but she was very evasive. Said it was impossible to explain what was going on and to just trust her that she was doing what was best for her and Gid. She also said she has a booking for the library for Friday night and that she would run the event and I could go out with the girls and stop worrying.

I’m still worrying.

Leroy’s search – wedding on a budget

Is the event Leroy’s sudden marriage? Is he marrying an axe throwing nun?


	19. December 20

**Friday December 20**

I’m sitting in Gold’s shop spying on my sister at the library, after sacking off girl’s night at the Hole. There is a great vantage point and a telescope set up trained on the place above the shop. Gold is suspicious of Lacey too, his no’s seemed to have turned into very Scottish ‘ayes’. I’m wearing my Rabbit Hole slinky short dress and my ‘fuck me heels’.

I think I have found my Rumplestiltskin! He is making tea at the moment. There is dust around the tripod, this telescope has been set up for a while, he has been watching me! His handwriting is the same as the carving on the box and the gift tag. Why am I not freaked out that he is a stalker? Why am I not freaked out he could have been with Lacey? I confess. It’s his ass, he bent over and I’m re-smitten, yes I’m having that as a legitimate word. I’m hoping to embarrass him into a confession. I will have words after I have got my hands on his butt.


	20. December 21

**Saturday December 21**

I had sex with Heathcliff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh what an amazing night and day!!!!

I’m just full of exclamation marks today!

So, about last night... Gold and mine’s stakeout of the library was into it’s second hour when I finally confronted him about his alternative identity. Lacey’s event seemed to be just a large group of university students. It made sense, she is the entertainment secretary for her faculty. So with little to occupy myself I pointed out the dust around the base of the tripod. He went purple, tried to quip his way out of it, then finally confessed. He had been in love with me since the job interview. 

He is usually unimpressed with anyone at an interview but found himself enchanted with me over my answers, my enthusiasm for literature, my love of fiction, history, mysteries, my beautiful eyes and legs.

He had decided that it was unethical to ask me out, that he was too old, crippled and grouchy and that things with Lacey and Gideon made it really tricky. He would not tell me why, saying that it was Lacey’s story to tell. But that it had been her who had encouraged him to woo me and to use my love of mystery to lure me in. He had planted the box in the basement, had hoped that I would be intrigued, and would connect the mystery of the search for my own name with the search for Rumpelstiltskin’s name. He had sent the flowers. He was very apologetic, for harassing me, spying on me, deceiving me. He said he would resign from the library board and give me my flat but that he couldn’t leave town because of Gideon and Lacey. I shut up his nonsense by kissing him, he was hesitant at first but when he dropped his cane I knew he had given in. I love the way he embraces me during a kiss, envelopes me, strokes my hair, strokes my neck. We melted into each other. When we broke for air we were both lovestruck resting our foreheads together, staring into each other’s eyes, he even shed a tear!

Then all hell broke loose. There were shrieks and shouts from the library. Mother Superior was at the door screaming at Lacey and waving her arms around. Graham and Emma arrived. I tried to ring Lacey, demanding that she told me what was going on in my library. Gold stopped me from joining the throng. Naked students were spilling out into the street dancing round Mother Shitbag. I did not know whether to laugh or cry. Graham managed to get the students back inside, Emma drove the nun away in cuffs! Later the students trooped out following Graham up the road. 

I finally got some sense out of Lacey. She had hired the library out to the naturist society who were having difficulty finding anywhere to meet at the university. She had signed them all up for library cards, most had been reading and browsing, others watching a movie, they were just all enjoying being butt naked. I got all health and safety on her and she assured me that everyone had been sitting on their own towels, as was protocol at these events. Everything had been fine, until Mother Superior had burst out of the cleaning cupboard where she had apparently been spying on events. She started screaming about sin and when some of the students had approached her to try and calm her down she had reacted violently swinging a mop around and shouting ‘demon rapists’. Some students had taken genuine offense at her accusations others danced round her and herded her towards the door. A couple of students had bloodied noses form mop attacks and suspected cracked ribs. Emma and Graham had turned up after reports of a demonic orgy at the library. She was to report to the station tomorrow as she had Gideon to care for. The students wanted to press charges against the nun and she wanted everyone burnt at the stake. Gold got on to Emma and assured her that he would provide any legal representation free of charge for the students. Everyone was being sent home or hospital nothing else would happen until the morning.

Gold had been very comforting while I had a melt down over Lacey and the library and the nuns, he brought me tea and had remembered how I took it (sweetie!) then hot toddies (made with way too expensive whiskey) and hugs which escalated to kissing and heavy petting and very clumsy fumbling and SEX. He was so nervous and I was way too eager and it was all over way too soon, which made him tearful. I need to get the full story of his horrendous ex-wife but she seems to have really done a number on him. He was so gentle with me and desperate to give me as much pleasure as he could. I told him about what Lacey had told me about her experience with a clever tongue drawing equations on her clit and Regina and her memos. He went various shades of green and purple in embarrassment and then set to work to be the darned best tongue magician there could be. And fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. Bliss, still can’t stop grinning. He was a beast, a demon and I fell in love and lust at the same time. I asked him if he had used the memo technique and he said he spelt out as many Robbie Burns poems he could remember. Then he recited some to me and turned me on again, with just his voice. I had to shut him up by replaying the favour he had given me. We slept together all cuddled up on a little bed in the shop’s back room it was the most uncomfortable comforting sleep of my life.

We were woken at the crack of dawn by Regina, ranting and raving about protocols and bringing the town into disrepute. Heathcliff took one look at my face, took the phone off me and told Regina to write it all in a memo because he had heard she was a demon at that and then hung up. Emma rang back two seconds letter cackling and squealing and checking that I was truly WITH Gold, she said it was about time too, and hope he wasn’t such a grumpy ass now that he was getting laid. Regina could be heard complaining in the background about broken confidences.

I’m not sure what will happen with Mother S and the students. She was arrested for assault and breach of the peace, the students that exposed themselves outside will be fined. Lacey is banned from helping at the library. Regina has banned me for hiring out the library unless she has written permission. Mother Superior is banned from the library and a radius of 100 yards outside. Gold is doubly determined to evict them.

We had lunch at Granny’s, the night’s events the talk today. Leroy was in the corner booth feeding ice cream to the apparently former Sister Astrid. They had matching blushes and love bites. There was lots of staring at mine and Heath’s clasped hands. Granny threatened to shoot him with her cross-bow if he hurt me. We had the sweetest burger lunch, flirting with pickles and ketchup, everything looks sexual after a night like we had.

We went to see Lacey and tell her our news. She was really pleased for us both and then got out Mum’s book “Her Handsome Hero” and made me swear on it that I would not repeat a word she said to anyone, but I’m sure she didn’t mean you, dearest diary.

Gideon’s father is a scientist called Nicholas Rush. She had met him in a Boston bar, he had been sitting next to Gold and she was too curious not to find out who he was. It turns out that Gold and Rush are half-brothers, they share a vile father. It was the day of Rush’s wife’s funeral and they were drowning their sorrows. Lacey and Nick had tumbled drunkenly into bed together that night and things had carried on in secret. Nick had felt guilty and did not want his wife’s family to think badly of him. Lacey had got sick of keeping the secret and they had drifted apart. When Lacey realised she was pregnant Nick was nowhere to be found so she had to get Gold involved. Now dear diary I bought all that, but now things get strange. Nick apparently, is on board a space ship stuck somewhere on the other side of the universe, it’s a top secret mission for the US military. He can’t be with them but he sends money and visits in “borrowed bodies”! What they are really hiding I DO NOT know. But they are both adamant and sticking to their stories. Anyway Gold has promised to look after his brother’s girlfriend and child until he can return. Gold had got Regina to re-open the library to lure me to my sister’s side for moral support. He would protect us both. They were both under surveillance form the military had to use flip phones for security and fill in thousands of forms. She showed me a picture, Nick and Heath do look remarkably similar. Heath was horrified and pointed out that Nick was scruffier, forgot to shave and wash, and dressed like a tramp a lot of the time. He said he might have to cut his hair to prove it but relented when I grabbed him by it and kissed him.

So what a day. I’m being protected from abusive nuns, I’m in love with Rumpelstiltskin and my sister has had a baby with a spaceman. What can possibly happen tomorrow?


End file.
